All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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