she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
