they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
