Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
