You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
