I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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