Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
