Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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