What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize