glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
