maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize