Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
