he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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