I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
