she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
