you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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