Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
