i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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