you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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