I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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