moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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