Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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