My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
