you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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