I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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