is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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