At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
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