i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I want a musical about memes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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