She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
