BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
