Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
