Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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