You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
