There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
