I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The ass gains better be worth it
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