You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
