Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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