Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
