i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
