Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
