Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
