Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need a beard to bite.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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