To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
