Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So squirting runs in the family.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize