Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
