Pregnant stripper...not hot.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
