I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize