Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
