There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
