I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
