You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
