accomplished twins. life is a go
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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