ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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