I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
