Kiss
Puke
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
