I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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