K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
