I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
