She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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