Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
