Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
