Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my god I love twenty year old dicks
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
