I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
A+ Viking dick
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