Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
