i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
