if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
